“i’m p. sure your soul is either floral or polka dotted”
so the last few days have been pretty glorious, tumblr!
saturday i: had said i would go to R’s get-together but was freaking out about it, as you may recall; reached out to a couple of people including R, who texted me back an extremely effective combination of pep talk and practical offers to smooth the way if necessary; pulled myself together and went; met R’s primary partner at long last, who is maybe even kinder than advertised and also gives excellent backrubs even just in passing; discovered that someone else at the get-together had been part of my extended friend group at sleepaway camp ten years ago; and went home with R at the end of the evening, which was an unexpected perk of attendance—
he got sleepy and said he was gonna peace out, and i was about at the end of my social rope anyway, so i asked if he wanted a train buddy and he said yes, and then on the way to the train he asked if i wanted to hold hands and i said yes, so we did and i was Deeply Ecstatic, and then we were talking about schedules and i said rather wistfully that it’d be nice to see him before Lovely J got here and took up all his time, and he said, well, what about right now? and i said, um yes please, and we had a really lovely meandering thoughtful sort of conversation while heading back to his, and then cuddled up on the couch and talked sexual wants and do-not-wants for a bit, and then went and did one of the things on the yes-please list until i couldn’t feel my legs anymore and batted at him in imperious-but-postcoitally-uncoordinated fashion until he came and cuddled properly, and then he said some extremely complimentary things about how delightful i was, and i said NO U—like, seriously you guys, he’s so generous, except it’s the best sort of generosity where the other person is clearly sincerely captivated by your pleasure, so your pleasure is also theirs?—and stuck my nose in his lovely tumbled ringlets and went promptly and thoroughly to sleep—
and then late the next morning, so sunday, we pried ourselves slowly out of bed and realized i hadn’t ever actually had dinner, so R made eggs and i decided i was gonna ~combat the patriarchy~ by letting him, except then i made the toast because i’m not a total asshole? and then he was supposed to go help his partner move and i was supposed to go to the beach with Quondam Roommate, so we parted ways and off i went to the beach!
specifically, the beach in spring lake, nj, where the water is a perfect temperature and the waves excellent for swimming, and QR and i discovered we had matching polka dot bikinis because of course, like, there are ways in which we always will be soulmates, and then wandered around the three-block main drag (which i desperately wish i had photo-documented, one of the stores was called “the blarney cone,” okay, they really love their puns in that town) and scenic tiny park for a while, and mostly the day was a lot of breezy driving about and beaching and giggling and catching up and it was really lovely? and also at one point there was absolutely glorious sheet lightning, and she drove me back into the city afterwards and did you know hoboken has the most heartbreakingly perfect views of manhattan? (i teared up a little, because i’m a sensitive architect’s daughter and being pricked to tears by the glory of buildings is a thing that runs in the family.)
and then today i got up and put on my jungle-green shorts and picked up an iced latte and amazing coconut donut at Friendly Area Coffeeshop, and then headed over to the computer lab in the student center to print out the relevant parts of benner and prep (most of) my iliad reading, and finally arrived at class to discover that i’d gotten a disgustingly good grade on last thursday’s midterm (99.2%, not including extra credit), which wasn’t precisely a surprise but was pretty satisfying! (normally i don’t like to post specific numbers, because i feel like mostly that just makes other people who’re doing “worse” feel shitty—at least, i know that’s how i tend to feel about seeing other people’s stats—but i’m letting myself brag a little here because like, this spring i got two Ds, it’s such a relief to feel as though that isn’t necessarily the level i’m doomed to?) and then we read some homer and i made Intelligent Comments (while trying not to be a total hermione, it’s hard sometimes) and i’m pretty sure mathias has kind of a soft spot for me, in the way that one does for bright engaged slightly-mischievous promising students who are clearly delighted by a subject one loves oneself, and i love the tender affirmation of sitting in that soft spot and i love that “bright engaged slightly-mischievous promising student” feels like a fair description of me again, at least in this part of my academic life?
and then we had pizza and watched troy, which is not actually any less of a terrible movie the second time around—possibly third, i dunno, at a certain point it’s not actually helpful to contemplate how much of your life you’ve lost to this movie because teachers think it’d be cute to watch Contemporary Renderings of Classical Texts—but was decently fun, except that the chairs in this classroom are not actually cushy enough to be comfortable for six hour stretches! and then i went to duane reade and bought a cheap bright lipstick: specifically, wet n wild’s “don’t blink pink,” which is pretty much the epitome of #watermelonchic, aka exactly what i was hoping for? (also just in general, if you want an affordable semi-matte opaque bright that isn’t horribly drying or caking, i swear by their entire mega last lip color line: not the liquid, that stuff’s terrible, but i have “purty persimmon” and “red velvet” also, and those are both pretty great! like, the sort of drugstore makeup that’s actually good value, as opposed to the sort where you end up realizing that you should’ve just sprung for sephora in the first place, ugh, you’re gonna have to do that now anyway and you’ve ended up spending more money starting out with the cheap dupe.)
(all this rambling is technically brought to you by the fact that Lovely J was gonna get into the city tonight, and i was sort of hoping he or R or he-and-R or maybe even he-and-R-and-C, depending on what the current configuration is over there, might feel like pinging me to say hi? but they haven’t, which makes all the sense in the world, they should totally be taking some time for themselves and anyway i have plenty to be happy about in the meantime! i just needed to, you know, remind myself of that.)
also on my mind lately: the politics of using the L-word, by which i mean the four-letter one. like, i identify as loving a lot of people! mostly that word just indicates an overflowing of fondness, and really isn’t angling for reciprocation or anything! but like, Lovely J was definitely super-weirded out by it a couple months back, so i’m reining that shit in hard. which is fine, really—“gosh i really like you” feels like it covers the relevant territory, without putting so much pressure on people? but the two phrases are totally coming from the same place.
wow okay this has turned into a suuuuuuuuuuuuper-long post, that’s probably enough for now! giant less-than-threes all round. :3#journaling #R might need a tag #videbimus lumen #feminist makeupping #gosh i really like R you guys
5 hours ago • 3 notes
When I was, I dunno, 15 or so, I got a copy of Spinoza’s Ethics. I don’t remember the translator or the publisher, but it was mustard yellow. That book was pretty much a dominating influence on how I thought about everything for more than 10 years of my life. And even though I now see it as a deeply flawed project, there’s one thing that has stayed with me and will probably always be with me. It’s the idea that everything has implications for everything else: your morals and your politics, your ideas about art, about religion, your most abstract ideas about psychology and metaphysics, they all condition one another and give articulate, verbal and practical structure to the fundamental way you are engaged in the world. And the corollary is that a coherent and integral way of life only finds expression in a system, so that the connections between commitments in morals, politics, art, religion, science, all of it can be made conscious and can be evaluated in terms of the kind of life in which they have a place.
1 day ago • 17 notes
Every sex worker on Tumblr. Repeatedly. Constantly. Daily.
It is a *privilege* to not know who Gail Dines is and to read something she wrote that was actually not virulently hateful towards sex workers or trans women and was maybe on point for once and so to reblog it to all of the sex workers and trans women who follow you.
Spread this post around so people KNOW NOT TO DO THAT SHIT. If Gail Dines has said something correct, I guarantee you a million other women have said it better. So find a better quote and stop it with Dines.
(via kaninchenzero)#important #gail dines #transmisogyny #whorephobia #social justice concerns
1 day ago • 3,160 notes